A year ago

I've been really down , broken , psychically mentally sick and exhausted .
I'm riding a roller coaster of my emotions.
I've been feeling Ups and down for this past two months .
I'm acting like crazy .
I feel sad and lonely .
Most of my days are dark, cold and hungry.
My nights even rough, drunken and sleepless.
My eyes are watery without a shoulder to cry on . My mouth is dry without someone to rely on.
My head has too much to think about , my heart has too much to feel and my ears has too much to hear.
My right hand give a lot while my left hand get nothing .
My right foot want to walk to the future with full of hopes while my left foot just standing here and it could not even move .
My memories love someone too much, it keep calling the same person for 24/7
I keep holding on the rope that I have to let it go .
I keep holding it although my hands are hurting and bleeding .
Then ...
I touched my low, the lowest of me ..
and it said that I have to get up
and not giving up !
So then .. I stand up ....
see the world with my head up high
Then ... you learned so many things from your black dark times that you've been through.
Which one is the blessing friend.
and which one is the lesson friend .
Which one is your beginning and which one is your end.
Then you have to accept everything with your open hand .
I almost got betrayed by my hope
But all I know the only answer is Love ❤️

( Thanks to you who always be there for me no matter what 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼  God Bless you !🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 )


Arheta  - 14102016

I am

I am the water running through the river to catch the Ocean
I am the Ocean it's calm it's stormy it's tidal
I'm the fire eating the logs to keep you warm
I'm the candle eating myself to keep you out of the dark
I am black - it goes with everything
I am white , I get judged being dirty by a lil stain
I'm a sinner with a soul apparently
I'm a dreamer who's afraid of the dream comes true
I'm a minute hand on your clock ticking out loud on silence
I am 9 a.m Person with a sour expression
I am a4 a. m head and Heart interaction
And I am your 2 a. m satisfaction
I'm a cigarette who will burn your lunges at 6 am
I'm a cheese in between of bacon and ham
I'm a headache who will make your brain cramp
I am a pain and a pleasure on your right hand

I'm a peanut
I'm a salmon  ( you're allergic to them )
I'm a chocolate
I'm a watermelon ( I know that you like em' )

I'm a lighter
I'm an ashtray
I'm a weed
I'm a roll paper

I am who I am
I am me
I am your attitude
I am the way you treat me

Arheta - 4am thought 12102017

Let us Go

And when the rain pouring down late at night
I wish I could have your arms to hold me tight
And when the tears falling down
I wish I could have your shoulder to lean my head upon
But you're not here , my other side is empty
I'll be there for you - you said to me
But I always cry by myself ,Wipe my own tears
Waking up beside you , I've been dreaming for years
Hoping you'll be here , but I was all alone
One day you'll be here , but I might be gone

They say Promises made to be broken
I guess my heart too meant to be broken
How many chances I have been given
Too many sorry I heard -  all is forgiven

But This time I have to say No
I gotta let you go , you gotta let me go
We both know we can't keep saying Hello
We both know you keep me in the sorrow
And we both know the time will come , today or tomorrow
That we gotta let things go
Slip away , from our fingers , from our hands
We can't hold on into
We gotta let us go

Arheta - October 3rd 2017

I am Happy

I'm sitting at the bar of Aphrodite in Setiabudi area
One of sport bar full of expats In Jakarta.
I knew this place from one of my friend, Irish guy that I dated few years ago. And we still be friend till now.
I sipping my cold Bintang .. Enjoying my time with own company in Jakarta before I go back to Bandung the next day .
Beer, cigarettes and the ambiance of the place and people around me
I feel just simply happy ..
I don't feel lonely even though I'm alone ..
This how incredible simple to feel the happiness..
It's not about the money .. It's not about luxurious , it's not about hot good looking guy as your boy friend.
Even though it would be perfect if I had one :-p
But .. Simply because I make my self happy with my own way ..
There are so many ways to be happy even though you are alone and single ..
I can do what I wanted to do .. I feel free..
Freedom also a happiness
Cold beer make me happy enough
Listening to good music make me happy enough
Sunset , tea, movies, friends, and another simple things
Happiness it's not always about the big thing!
You could make the small things make you happy as well :)
And most of the free things .. It could make you happy
Hug, kiss, smile! It's free stuffs :)
It has no price tag !
I wanna keep feel this way !
Happy with I have have
From the small to the big things

If you're not happy today .. If you're not happy with your life ..
Find something to make your self feel happy
There are so many things to make you smile and feel happy .
If you can't found it! Create one!

Love your self , treat your self good with the good things, surrounded your self with positive vibes!
Don't let your eyes cried over something silly
Don't let's your ear hear over something nonsense! You don't have to care about bad thing that people talk about you !
Don't let your brain over thinking about something you don't know! You never know about the future !
It's only you who would create your brightly future!
Don't let your heart break!
Don't let any people break it! You have control what you have on you !
Tell your self!!
I AM HAPPY !!
Life is good!

Keep smiling happy people!!

The time has come

I'm tired..
Even for crawling..
Moreover for walk or runs
The time has come that I should stop everything that I believed
Stop! Please..
I already learned a lot .. This time just too much!
The time has come that I can't take it anymore!
I just wanna stop.. Closed my eyes.. Stop trying, stop crying
Stop searching, stop bleeding!
Stop playing, stop flying
Start another thing
Start dreaming about something else
Don't care about the rest


Stop! please..
I learned tOo much from failures
I learned too much from pains
I learned too much from tears
I learned too much from mistakes

Too many times I fall and fell
Too many times I get up and stand up
Too many times I fix my broken wings to fly even higher
Too many times I picking up the shattered pieces of my broken heart
This is my last one..
If I tried yesterday..
It'd be my last try
If I'm crying today
It'd be my last cry
But if smile tomorrow
It'd be forever
I promise!!
Powered by My Thumbs®

Delpierro laki - laki Ku

Badanmu sehat, kau tumbuh jadi anak yang besar dan kuat juga menggemaskan lagi pintar.
Semua games di tablet kamu lahap! Kamu selalu tertawa dan ceria walaupun ketika kamu sedang sakit.
Umurmu baru menginjak 4 tahun, tapi secara fisik kamu terlihat seperti 6 atau 7 tahun. Tak seperti anak- anak sebayamu
Ibu tau.. Ibu belum bisa memberikan segalanya, namun ibu akan selalu berusaha untuk memberimu segalanya
Ibu tau .. Ibu belum bisa selalu ada disisimu setiap waktunya, setiap detiknya
Namun kamu selalu ada dalam hati dan doa - doa juga harapan yang selalu terpanjat. Doa yg terbaik.
Ibu tau.. Ibu tidak seperti ibu yang lain yang memanjakan anaknya dengan pesta meriah atau kado mahal. Dan suatu saat nanti kamu pasti mengerti, mengapa ibu tidak melakukan itu untukmu, nak!
Kebersamaan kita akan selalu menjadi moment terbaik.
Kebersamaan kita akan selalu menjadi memori indah untuk dikenang
Kebersamaan yang kita miliki akan selalu terasa berharga dan tak ternilai.
You are my strength!
You are the reason why i keep fighting..
You are the reason i smile
You are the reason i survive to live
You are the reason i have dreams
You are the reason i will never give up
You are the reason i have hope

Nak...
Jalanmu masih panjang terbentang
Semoga kamu menjadi anak laki - laki yang kuat fisik juga mental
Anak laki - laki yang mencintai dan menghormati Ibu nya. Karena dengan begitu kamu juga akan selalu menghormati wanita.
Jangan sekali - sekali kamu menyakiti hati wanita Nak.. Jaga lah perasaan mereka.
Semoga kamu menjadi laki - laki yang bertanggung jawab atas apa yang kamu ucapakan dan yang kamu perbuat. Bicaralah lebih sedikit, bertindaklah lebih banyak. Karena perbuatan lebih bermakna dari sekedar kata - kata.. Sampai kapanpun itu
Nak, jadilah manusia jujur. Karena kemanapun kaki mu melangkah, kejujuran akan selalu menolongmu.
Nak, jadilah manusia yang rendah hati. Karena kemanapun kaki mu melangkah, kesombongan akan menenggelamkanmu
Nak, jadilah manusia yang dermawan. Karena semakin kamu banyak memberi, semakin banyak kamu menerima. Be a giver not a taker!
 Tak usah juga mengharap timbal balik atas kebaikan yang kamu tebar, karena Tuhan itu maha adil. apa yang kamu tabur itu juga yang akan kamu tuai.
Jika kamu besar nanti.. Berjalanlah keluar dari rumah.. Lihatlah dunia!
Kamu akan banyak belajar dari sana.
Bergaulah dengan orang di jalanan, kamu akan ditempa dengan keras di jalanan. Kamu akan tau dunia itu keras. Namun janganlah terbawa arusnya.. Tetaplah di jalanmu. Ambil yang baiknya buang yang jeleknya.
Bergaulah dengan kelas atas, kamu akan belajar bersikap baik atau kamu akan belajar bahwa sebagia. Dari mereka itu palsu! Di saat kamu di atas jangan lupa untuk melihat ke bawah.
Dan selalu ingat, uang tak bisa membeli segalanya. Apalagi kebahagiaan.
Carilah kebahagiaanmu yang hakiki.

Dan satu lagi Nak...
Selalu bersyukur dengan apa yang Tuhan berikan sekecil apapun itu.
Ingatlah selalu kepada - Nya
Penciptamu yang Maha Besar yang akan selalu membantu dalam segala hal.
Pembimbingmu ketika kamu ingin tau segala hal
Penunjuk jalan ketika kamu tersesat
Pengobat sakit mu ketika kamu sedang sedih dan terpuruk
Minta apapun pada-Nya
Dia akan memberikan. memang tak selamanya dia akan memberikan apa yang kamu mau, namun dia akan memberikan apa yang kamu butuhkan!

Ibu ingin kamu menjadi diri kamu
Bukan seorang manusia buatan yang selalu bilang iya untuk segala hal
Karena kamu harus belajar mengatakan TIDAK untuk apa yang kamu tidak inginkan

Selamat Ulang Tahun Sayang!

I love you with all my heart ❤